My favorite show in the entire world is The Bachelor. Juan Pablo you fucking ruined the whole goddamn show for me. Simply said. Usually I don’t use such foul language in my blog posts but fuck I’m mad! I’ve had an abnormally horrible week so I thought I would take to my blog and vent about who pisses me off. Well not everyone, but I thought why not start with someone artificial and stupid like Juan Pablo. If you don’t watch the Batchelor you will have no idea what I’m talking about. If you do, and especially if you are an avid watcher of the series you will share my anger. And if you’re not sure why I’m annoyed let’s break it down…
The Girls- Ok I’m no lesbian, but part of the joy of the Batchelor is that he gets to pick from 30 crazy hot women. This is part of the reason my husband watches with me so much and this season he wasn’t too happy and neither was I. The choice in women was horrible. There were no pretty ones and I couldn’t believe they even threw in a couple heavy ones. This might be the only reason I feel a little bad for Juan Pablo. What a fuckin choice! If I was a guy I probably would have quit that first day. Hey Batchelor producers, you fucked up on that aspect. If you were Juan Pablo you probably would have done the same damn thing with that selection.
He slept with 3 contestants- Ok does anyone know this is a show meant for finding your future husband/wife? You aren’t supposed to fuck the girls because you won’t want your future wife looking back on your beautiful “love story” only to see you screwing every single girl on the show. I love that Juan Pablo wouldn’t kiss one of the uglier girls because his “daughter was watching” Oh but he didn’t mind doing Claire in the ocean the 2nd night. C’mon Juan Pablo this is GOING to be on TV, don’t you care that you look like a complete douche bag? Well maybe you don’t since you can always just say screw America and take off back to Venezeula. Hey, you should probably do that. You might be the most HATED man in America. Did I mention he doensn’t have a job and lives with his parents? That should have been the first clue ladies.
The accent- At first it was sexy looking at this gorgeous dude with an accent, but after a while it got SO fucking annoying. Please don’t blame it on a language barrier, that is so ignorant. The few English words he could muster was, “It’s Ok” and “You’re so hot” “You’re so sexy” Omg I wanted to throw up. Do you have anything intelligent to say? The only 2 women that had a college degree bailed out on their own. I guess a college degree is good for something since it clearly shows you can weed out a complete moron from a well deserving man looking for love. Kudos to those two.
He can’t talk English but he sure knows how to slur out the racism- “Um I don’t really know English but I hate gay people and I call people retarded” Sounds like you know enough English to me! This is probably the biggest reason why ABC hates the guy. When you are crowned, “The Batchelor” you have to make press statments and regular appearances on TV morning shows. Not only did he not fulfill his obligations on any of the shows but in almost all his statements he shows how clearly stupid he is. He offended the disabled community when he said the “Big R” word, I’m surprised he didn’t get the N word in somewhere.
The Privacy- Juan Pablo demands privacy. Give me a fucking break! Please don’t bite the hand that feeds you. The Batchelor is a freakin honor. You take the crown then you hand it down to the next man in line. You can’t go on all the gorgeous vacations that ABC pays for, eat all the amazing food and take the money, and then at the end when the audience wants to see a marriage, a proposal, SOMETHING you said, “I WANT MY PRIVACY!” SO glad I didn’t pay for this! I want my money back! This is why the audience is hating Juan Pablo. We watch The Batchelor in hopes that we get a payoff at the end. Like most shows, American Idol, The Voice, any contest/reality show- something to wait for, and Juan Pablo quite frankly pissed us all off.
AND the most TRAGIC event of the season is something that should barely be repeated but of course I will REPEAT the WORST Offense known to man EVER on the Batchelor. The last show on the airplane telling Clare who at this point is in love with Juan Pablo and hoping for an engagement ring hears the words no girl wants to hear. (By the way he totally should have picked her because not only was she the prettiest but she really did love him) And if you are unsure about what he said, he said, ” I don’t know you very well but I love fucking you” WOW Asshole of the year belongs to you Juan Pablo.
And those are just a few of the reasons you as a man and the Batchelors suck big time. I hope ABC learned that looks aren’t everything and we need a Batchelor with a job, one that can speak English and will say, “I love you” at the end not “I’m in LIKE with you!” So let’s hope for a better batchelor next